You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
