i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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