I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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