I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
