I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
