life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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