Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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