piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
