I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
