You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
