It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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