Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
