you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My bed smells like the plague
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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