when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
