Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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