Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
