Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
