anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
