I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
