Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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