New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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