Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
