glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
