You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
