I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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