Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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