Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
