when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think your dad took our porno
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
