as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How does one acquire holy water?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
