There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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