That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please come you make the beer taste better
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
