i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
someone owes me an orgasm
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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