I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
