Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
