what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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