Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
