Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
