he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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