If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
