areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
