mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
