I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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