i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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