Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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