nut hugger
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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