Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
