all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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