why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
