Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
