508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
