where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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