I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
