Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
